Its so boring...there's nothing to look forward except studying and books. Maybe i should go for that one guy i'm interested in...or maybe its a mistake. Its hard to make decisions when both ends are life-changing opportunities. I sort of want to take a chance, but i'm afraid. Its nothing that i should be afraid of...maybe its because i haven't done it in awhile? My low self-esteem drives me crazy. I contradict myself all the time while plotting ways to get the things i want. Its good, its bad, its happiness, its destruction, its an opportunity, its a dead end. What if he's not interested in me? And if he isn't, why should i bother? Maybe he really is shy like my friend has said. Maybe i'm not really trying hard enough as i thought i was. Then again, i have pretty much dropped hints to show some sort of friendship. I take my time because he had no intention to do anything....i'm giving him space to put the puzzle together, but he sees it. Or maybe its all in my head. My instincts tell me he has an idea...but what is he waiting for? Am i rushing things too early? I haven't done anything strong to scare him away...at least i think so. He still talks to me, but he still keeps to himself. Its a normal thing to do...right? What if he already has someone in mind? That's probably it...but he does things that really don't have racional explanations. Why else would he smile at every funny thing i throw at him? Why would he always face towards my direction while reading along with the class? Probably leading me on to something else...or i'm in too deep to notice reality? I'll be patient...One day soon enough i'll have to courage to actually ask.
1 comment:
On your page this entry is all weird symbols! But I can read it if I post comment. I think you may be a little impatient, give it bit :). What you need to do in this situation is buy shoes.
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